May 2017
Citizens of Illinois: Pay Your Bills!
05/17/17 Filed in: Opinions
To the Citizens of Illinois:
Pay your bills.
I have been patient long enough. It has been more than a year since I had my gall bladder out, and you still have not paid the emergency room. You know you have to pay: you said that if I taught in one of your state universities for a couple decades, despite the low pay and scant support you were offering, you would pay my medical bills once I retired. I did my part, but you're not doing yours.
I have waited for a couple years now, and it hasn't been easy. It's embarrassing to have your teeth cleaned by a dentist who hasn't been paid for the crown she gave you a year ago. I have enough mail to deal with without letters from collection agencies. I'm not used to being treated like a deadbeat! I pay my own bills: why don't you pay yours?
I know you are going to blame your governor, your senator, your representative in Springfield. That's story getting old. You hired those people! They work for you! They don't owe the money: you do. It's time to make them pay up.
Let me do what the collection agencies do. I'm going to give you a script to follow. They say, "Find our bill, write a check, buy a stamp, put it in the mail. Do it now." If you don't have any cash, they'll give you the steps for getting on a payment plan. Your script will be a little different. Here it is:
1. Look up the phone numbers of your own state senator and representative. To make things easy for you, I will give you the phone number for your governor. It's 217-782-0244.
2. Call each of those people. Ask to speak to the senator, representative, or governor. If you can't get the actual official, try to get whoever is in charge of the office. Do not settle for a recording device.
3. Politely but firmly deliver this message: "You work for me, and you haven't been doing your job. You act as my agent. Your first job is to see that the ordinary business of the state is done. And I am old-fashioned enough to believe that everyone's first job is to pay what they owe. So pay the state's bills, whatever it takes. Raise taxes. Take away your own healthcare and pension. Just find the money and cut the checks. If this doesn't happen in the next two weeks, I will never vote for you in any election ever again. And I will not vote for any member of your party in any election ever again. I mean that: if you don't want to go the way of the Whigs, the Federalists and the Know-Nothings, pay the bills."
I realize you may be reluctant to give up your attachment to the Republicans and the Democrats, but I think we can be honest now. You in Illinois are in this mess because of them. It may be time for you to admit you have been in an abusive relationship for years. The only thing to do may be to get out. You don't really want to be involved with someone who stiffs a guy who has already got a bum gall-bladder, do you? If they kick a retired professor when he's down, do you think they'll stand up for you when you're in trouble? Do you want someone like that working for you?
Remember the script: "Pay up or your party is dead to me." Sending this message is the least you can do: remember, you owe money.
Pay your bills.
I have been patient long enough. It has been more than a year since I had my gall bladder out, and you still have not paid the emergency room. You know you have to pay: you said that if I taught in one of your state universities for a couple decades, despite the low pay and scant support you were offering, you would pay my medical bills once I retired. I did my part, but you're not doing yours.
I have waited for a couple years now, and it hasn't been easy. It's embarrassing to have your teeth cleaned by a dentist who hasn't been paid for the crown she gave you a year ago. I have enough mail to deal with without letters from collection agencies. I'm not used to being treated like a deadbeat! I pay my own bills: why don't you pay yours?
I know you are going to blame your governor, your senator, your representative in Springfield. That's story getting old. You hired those people! They work for you! They don't owe the money: you do. It's time to make them pay up.
Let me do what the collection agencies do. I'm going to give you a script to follow. They say, "Find our bill, write a check, buy a stamp, put it in the mail. Do it now." If you don't have any cash, they'll give you the steps for getting on a payment plan. Your script will be a little different. Here it is:
1. Look up the phone numbers of your own state senator and representative. To make things easy for you, I will give you the phone number for your governor. It's 217-782-0244.
2. Call each of those people. Ask to speak to the senator, representative, or governor. If you can't get the actual official, try to get whoever is in charge of the office. Do not settle for a recording device.
3. Politely but firmly deliver this message: "You work for me, and you haven't been doing your job. You act as my agent. Your first job is to see that the ordinary business of the state is done. And I am old-fashioned enough to believe that everyone's first job is to pay what they owe. So pay the state's bills, whatever it takes. Raise taxes. Take away your own healthcare and pension. Just find the money and cut the checks. If this doesn't happen in the next two weeks, I will never vote for you in any election ever again. And I will not vote for any member of your party in any election ever again. I mean that: if you don't want to go the way of the Whigs, the Federalists and the Know-Nothings, pay the bills."
I realize you may be reluctant to give up your attachment to the Republicans and the Democrats, but I think we can be honest now. You in Illinois are in this mess because of them. It may be time for you to admit you have been in an abusive relationship for years. The only thing to do may be to get out. You don't really want to be involved with someone who stiffs a guy who has already got a bum gall-bladder, do you? If they kick a retired professor when he's down, do you think they'll stand up for you when you're in trouble? Do you want someone like that working for you?
Remember the script: "Pay up or your party is dead to me." Sending this message is the least you can do: remember, you owe money.