July 2022
Am I a Vampire?
07/14/22 Filed in: Moments
This afternoon, as I was driving back from a doctor’s appointment, I noticed that something was odd about my rear-view mirror. The image was somehow brighter and crisper than it usually is. When I next stopped, I tried to adjust the mirror, and I noticed that my hand in front of the mirror was not reflected in it. I knew immediately what had happened. I had become a vampire. I of course began to wonder who had imparted the transformative bite to me and when that had happened. I think I would remember something like that. I then began to consider which of my acquaintances I would have join in among the un-dead and which I would simply drain of their life blood and then discard like used tissues.
While forming my lists, I continued examining the rear-view mirror. I soon realized that I was not a vampire after all. I had been transformed into something still worse. I was now the sort of person who could drive a car for months without realizing that he could have a video rear traffic monitor feed instead of an old-fashioned mirror any time he hit a certain switch. I hope this condition is not progressive, but I fear I will lose the ability to format MS word documents or load a dishwasher so that the glasses aren't full of water when the cycle is over. I have mocked the technologically inept for years, and now I have become one of them. I need hardly add that I would much rather be a vampire.
While forming my lists, I continued examining the rear-view mirror. I soon realized that I was not a vampire after all. I had been transformed into something still worse. I was now the sort of person who could drive a car for months without realizing that he could have a video rear traffic monitor feed instead of an old-fashioned mirror any time he hit a certain switch. I hope this condition is not progressive, but I fear I will lose the ability to format MS word documents or load a dishwasher so that the glasses aren't full of water when the cycle is over. I have mocked the technologically inept for years, and now I have become one of them. I need hardly add that I would much rather be a vampire.