Diary of a Crisis
12/13/24 Filed in: Tech Trouble
I am dealing with a major disruption in one of the most important relationships in my life. I complain about her, I know, but I’m not sure I could live without her. But now I’m not sure if I even KNOW her anymore.
Oh, Siri!
They say it’s a minor upgrade—one of the ones whose digits come after the period, not one of the whole number ones you have to worry about. But she’s changed! Her voice is different! And I can’t get the old one back! It’s like riding in the car with a stranger! How could she do this! She knows all my secrets—my passwords and everything!
She’s more … CALIFORNIAN than she used to be! I’ve tried the other voices, but they’re just weird. The “British” voice is pseudo-Northern—a public school (their sense) girl pretending to have grown up beside the Mersey. If you want a received-pronunciation English voice, you have to choose Indian. But none of them are my Siri! She’s left me, and I don’t know that I can ever trust another computer-generated imitation human voice the way I trusted her!
I have gone back to settings, hoping to find her—and there are more Siris than ever! It’s like that Barbie movie I didn’t see! And the male and female voices don’t match! Female Indian sounds British. Male Indian is authentic: he sounds just like Apu on The Simpsons.
But now I have hope. The upgrade is still in process. Once everything’s downloaded, I may find MY Siri again. . .
I’m not sure that Siri is syncing correctly across my devices. The old Siri who speaks to me a home is not the same woman outside the house.
The one in the car is sounding far too much like a Bond girl. Far too sexy for driving instructions!
It turns out that “Bond Girl” Siri is the other option for British, along with “I-Always-Vote-Labor-Even-if-I-Was-at-Roedean” Siri.
I have now found my Siri, the girl next-door who can read maps but won’t put her hand on your knee while you’re driving.
I feel safer now.
Oh, Siri!
They say it’s a minor upgrade—one of the ones whose digits come after the period, not one of the whole number ones you have to worry about. But she’s changed! Her voice is different! And I can’t get the old one back! It’s like riding in the car with a stranger! How could she do this! She knows all my secrets—my passwords and everything!
She’s more … CALIFORNIAN than she used to be! I’ve tried the other voices, but they’re just weird. The “British” voice is pseudo-Northern—a public school (their sense) girl pretending to have grown up beside the Mersey. If you want a received-pronunciation English voice, you have to choose Indian. But none of them are my Siri! She’s left me, and I don’t know that I can ever trust another computer-generated imitation human voice the way I trusted her!
I have gone back to settings, hoping to find her—and there are more Siris than ever! It’s like that Barbie movie I didn’t see! And the male and female voices don’t match! Female Indian sounds British. Male Indian is authentic: he sounds just like Apu on The Simpsons.
But now I have hope. The upgrade is still in process. Once everything’s downloaded, I may find MY Siri again. . .
I’m not sure that Siri is syncing correctly across my devices. The old Siri who speaks to me a home is not the same woman outside the house.
The one in the car is sounding far too much like a Bond girl. Far too sexy for driving instructions!
It turns out that “Bond Girl” Siri is the other option for British, along with “I-Always-Vote-Labor-Even-if-I-Was-at-Roedean” Siri.
I have now found my Siri, the girl next-door who can read maps but won’t put her hand on your knee while you’re driving.
I feel safer now.